To be honest, I'm not sure I'm qualified to talk about this topic because I've lacked confidence since I was a child, and even today, I'm still in a constant state of panic. However, one thing I've noticed that is changing is that what used to make me feel unconfident has gradually become a place of confidence, and what I keep falling into is the "new unconfidence.
So what I can share is: how to make the area of lack of confidence keep repeating the operation, or how to make myself move forward in low self-esteem.
In this process, there are three "weapons" that I think are very helpful to me, and I can even say that these are the keys that allow me to grow in the midst of low self-esteem: re-evaluating the past, building a sense of underlying security, and setting meaningful goals.
Before we get to these three points, we need to first reach a consensus on the following questions: What is self-confidence? What are the signs of a lack of self-confidence?
Self-confidence is written as a state of mind that reflects a person's level of confidence in their ability to successfully complete an activity. It is also called "self-efficacy" in psychology. The manifestations of lack of self-confidence include: often doubting one's own ability, being beaten down by low self-esteem, often feeling powerless, and feeling that life is bleak.
Two steps to build self-confidence
(1) Re-evaluate the past
How we see ourselves and our assessment of our strengths and weaknesses is the most important pillar of self-confidence. It is a very subjective assessment and has little to do with how others see us. I have a female friend who is in good shape, works out regularly, and looks very proportionate to me. But she always thinks she is fat, too strict about her body, not afraid to eat, not afraid to drink, always "fat, fat," such words on the lips, often confused me and her surroundings, because we do not see her self-perceived deficiencies.
One's evaluation of oneself mainly comes from family education, especially the expectations instilled by parents. When a person fails to become a dragon or a phoenix, he or she will be extremely frustrated and will deny his or her own value altogether. We can't change our parents, but we can change the pattern and standard of self-evaluation.
From elementary school to high school, I was not the shortest person in my class, but I was close to it, and I sat in the first two rows. At that time, there were always a few mischievous students in the class who liked to tease others, and I was naturally the target of their teasing. Not only the classmates, but also my relatives gave me the nickname "Little Earth Mushroom" - a kind of fungus that never grows tall.
I thought that if I kept this memory in my heart and firmly agreed with the ridicule, I would really become a "dwarf" in my own eyes. That's why it's important to reevaluate my past. How did I do this?
I didn't deny the fact that I was "not tall" (172cm), but I sought positive meaning here. For example, because I am short, I always sit in the first two rows in school, so I am especially close to the teacher in class and have to listen carefully. And sitting in front of the teacher is often called up to answer questions, in order to prevent wrong answers, I have to try to understand every question. So I always did very well in school when I was young.
Because I was short, I tried my best to play basketball, and I played from elementary school to college. Although I was short, I shot very well and gained a lot of confidence on the court. I can say that playing basketball was the most important hobby in my childhood and teenage years, and my first love was related to basketball because I got the girl's attention by playing basketball.
When I evaluated my "short" disadvantage, I came to a completely different conclusion from my usual perception, that is, I reinforced the positive effects of a "disadvantage" and ignored the negative effects.
As we can see, these three points provide the best illustration of "reassessing the past". When facing our past, without deceiving ourselves, if we make good use of different perspectives to discover the positive value of a certain flaw and make good use of new information to interpret it twice, this will be a crucial step to build an "oasis of hope" in the desert of low self-esteem.
(2) Establishing a sense of security at the bottom
If human security and superiority can only be brought by those shining great achievements, then the majority of human beings will probably be extinct.
In addition to the instinctive self-protection mechanism, a more important spiritual pillar for the continuation of humanity is the underlying sense of security.
The underlying sense of security is actually self-love, a sense of self-identity born as a human being. Specifically, it is a small achievement and satisfaction in life that can be used as a consolation.
Anyone's self-confidence is not built up at once, let alone born, it can only be generated through the continuous accumulation of small achievements time and again. It is not difficult to understand that a high jumper who can easily jump over 180 centimeters will have the confidence to challenge the height of 185. The key question is how to measure and create "small achievements".
In my opinion, the so-called "small achievements" can be found everywhere in our lives. Winning a prize in a running race, answering a math problem correctly, learning a simple musical instrument are small achievements; helping others win praise, telling jokes, writing well, cooking well, always picking out nice clothes, or even being good at keeping a room clean and beautiful, which are not so impressive, can also be classified as "small achievements. That is, anything that makes us feel "useful" through our efforts and actions can help us build a sense of underlying security.
I was born with a low self-esteem and was afraid to speak in front of people. It's a surprise that I'm able to make a career out of talking today, but it fits perfectly with the concept of "building small achievements".
Today, I still can't call myself a professional, let alone an expert, but what does it matter? What I have gained from studying broadcasting has made me feel that I can achieve more through continuous efforts, and it has built up my underlying sense of security.
The accumulation of "small achievements" will change one's self-esteem, and one day when a "small achievement" becomes a skill or even a talent, one's self-confidence will come out uninvited and naturally reveal itself. Does that make sense to you?
Another suggestion I have for building a sense of underlying security is that "small achievements" are best made through interaction with people. A fish only knows how big it really is when it swims in a school of fish. Our self-awareness must also be based on a system of comparison with others. People are a mirror, and we "must" and "can only" obtain big data about "who we are" and "how we are" through our interactions with others, so that we can constantly calibrate our behavior and not fall into a situation of excessive inferiority or self-congratulation. Therefore, the first step to gaining a sense of security at the bottom is to open yourself up and integrate into the group.
These are two important steps in building self-confidence. For many people, after taking these two steps, self-confidence will be significantly improved. As we look around, many of the best people around us are also stuck in these two steps. Yes, I used the word "stuck", which means that the train to build self-confidence has not arrived.
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